Thursday, November 05, 2009

Sure, it got the Yankees a ring, but what else does $423.5 million buy?

The Yankees spent $423.5 million during the off-season, and what did they get in return?
 
C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Mark Teixeira, and a World Series ring.

That's nice and all, but have you considered what else you could buy for that kind of money?
-You could have your choice of 17 other MLB franchises, 18 if you ponied up an additional $3 million for the Seattle Mariners. The Yankees already treat smaller market organizations like their own farm teams. Why not make it official? 
-You could pay off Barack Obama's campaign debt and still have plenty left over to lobby on behalf of the Evil Empire. Given the team's lack of success with Republicans in the White House, it'd be a wise investment. 

-How about purchasing the stadium naming rights for two of the Yankees' three vanquished playoff opponents - the Phillies and Twins? Heck, maybe you can convince the Angels to sell their ballpark's name while you're at it.

-Perhaps you heard the Boston Globe was available this summer? I'm sure Red Sox fans would appreciate the gesture.

-Just because you're rich doesn't mean you can't be thrifty. Check out the McDonald's Dollar Value Menu. That kind of money is good for 423.5 million Hot Fudge Sundaes.

-A nice centaur painting can be had for $3,700. Those two over A-Rod's bed may not be enough to satisfy his ego.

-Derek Jeter can't get enough Minka Kelly. Take care of your franchise player with six million copies of the "Friday Night Lights" three DVD set.
-Oh, and A-Rod can't get enough of Kate Hudson. But he's an easy target regardless of how many post-season RBI he gets. Buy 36 million copies of "You, Me and Dupree" and ask him what he thinks of Owen Wilson's performance. 

-Mark Teixeira would make good use of four million Don Mattingly jerseys.

-Why not download 423.5 million copies of "My Way" on I-Tunes and see if you can ruin another Sinatra classic?
-While you're on I-Tunes, check out "Empire State of Mind"? Forget buying the song; buy the artist. Jay-Z's a veritable steal at $150 million. You can throw in Russell Simmons for a little Old School flavor at $110 million and house them each in their own Yankee Stadium suite.
Then again, the Yankees are traditionalists at heart. They believe in the purity of the game just like everyone else.

And $423.5 million buys a hell of a lot of peanuts and cracker jacks.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmm...Minka Kelly! Great stuff, Roar from 34

--G

Matthew Taylor said...

Thanks. I happen to think "Lyla Garrity" is too good for Derek Jeter. What would Buddy Garrity think?