Monday, August 10, 2009

Ask Roar from 34, Vol. 3

Volume 3 (see: Vol. 1 & Vol. 2) of Roar from 34's imagined advice column "Ask Roar from 34" addresses fatigue and injury issues, stain-removal tips, and the loss of loved ones as well as less-loved ones.

Dear Roar from 34,

I'm feeling drained, and I've been limping around with a groin strain to boot. What gives?

-Young Gun

Dear Young Gun,

Welcome to Baltimore, kid. I'm not surprised on either count. That latest no-decision must've felt like a kick in the groin. Perhaps that explains the injury.

-Roar from 34

[More advice after the jump.]

Dear Roar from 34,

What's it like in Baltimore this time of year?

-Player to be Named

Dear Player to Be Named,

So hot it'll make you swoon.

-Roar from 34

Dear Roar from 34,

Got any tips for removing shaving cream stains?

-Debuted in Detroit

Dear Debuted in Detroit,

Well, Good Housekeeping makes it seem pretty simple. Pretreat with a prewash stain remover and launder.

-Roar from 34

Dear Roar from 34,

I just hit a clutch home run before a sellout crowd to finish a dramatic four-game sweep of our main rival. My new team has a solid hold on first place in the division. Can you guys in Baltimore understand now why I decided to come here?

-Tex in New York

Dear Tex,

Raucous crowds. Meaningful games. Post-season play. How selfish can you be?

-Roar from 34

Dear Roar from 34,

I've been playing hurt for a guy who doesn't respect me. I don't deserve this.

-Aging and Angry

Dear Aging and Angry,

Congratulations on clearing waivers. Maybe you'll get what you deserve after all.

-Roar from 34

Dear Roar from 34,

Do you guys miss me yet?

-West Coast Flat Brim

Dear WCF,


-Roar from 34

Dear Roar from 34,

How about me?

-DL'ed in the Emerald City

Dear DL'ed,

Ummm ... not as much.

-Roar from 34

Image source: Here.

1 comment:

Heathir said...

Very clever!